


Director Fury's List of the Rules that must never be broken (that really is never Tony)

by abluestarinthenight



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 11:37:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2771609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abluestarinthenight/pseuds/abluestarinthenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick Fury gets tired of the Avengers' antics and makes a list of rules</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Golden Rules

1\. No-one is to hack JARVIS to play “Friday” by Rebecca Black as an alarm at six in the morning EVERY FRIDAY FOR TWO MONTHS in Avengers Tower.

2\. Any complaints filed by Tony Stark involving any variation on “Natasha/Clint/Bucky ate/stole/had hidden my cereal/iron man suit/badass sunglasses collection” will immediately be deleted.

3\. Anyone who insists on teaching Thor how to twerk, claiming it is an essential part of Midgardian life will be banned from choosing on movie night for the rest of the year.

4\. Anyone who uses the nicknames “Capsicle”, “Bucksicle”, “Mr. Whippy”, “Elsa”, “Frosty the Snowman”. “Icecube” etc etc regarding Steve Rogers or Bucky Barnes will also be banned from choosing on movie night for the rest of the year. If possible the “Goldilocks and Rapunzel” incident will never be mentioned again.

5\. Tony Stark is not allowed to set up large electromagnets in random rooms to annoy Bucky Barnes.

6\. Thor is not allowed to leave Mjolnir in front of doors that lead to currently occupied rooms.

7\. Clint Barton and Tony Stark are not allowed to scream “GOD BLESS AMERICA” and salute whenever Steve Rogers enters the room.

8\. Bruce Banner and Tony Stark are not allowed matching shirts with “Science Bros” on. The same is true for Maria and Natasha with “BAMF Buddies”, Clint, Bucky and Eric Selvig with “Brainwashed Bros”, Steve, Bucky and Sam with “Army Bros” and Steve, Bucky, Sam and Natasha with “Team America”. The Avengers are also not allowed matching bracelets and/or necklaces.

9\. Anyone who attempts to touch Bucky’s hair except for Steve, Natasha, Sam and Bruce will not be seen again for three days. However, SHIELD wishes Tony Stark to attempt this every three days.

10\. Any comments about Bucky and/or Thor’s legions of cats and Clint’s farm will be swiftly followed up.


	2. And Another Few

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick's too old for this shit

1\. Silly String and Party Poppers are now banned from all areas of the Tower.

2\. Tony and Natasha are not allowed to ever play Monopoly against each other again.

3\. JARVIS is not a free waiter. Tony, Bucky and Bruce must not treat him as such.

4\. Bucky is not allowed to hack into SHIELD’s computer systems for “practise”, even if he did accidently block Galaga.

5\. Tony, Bruce and pointy objects are NEVER allowed within a forty metre radius of each other all at the same time.

6\. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to develop any type of alcohol that would cause drunkeness in either Bucky Barnes or Steve Rogers. Clint is not allowed to cackle madly from the sidelines while this is taking place.

7.Clint Barton’s glitter bomb arrows are banned until further notice.

8\. As are his magnet arrows.

9.In fact, all arrows that were built by Tony Stark are banned.

10\. Tony and Bruce are not allowed to hide food in their lab. Clint, Natasha, Thor and Bucky are not allowed to eat/steal any of this food.


	3. Last Warning, Stark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'This is actually getting ridiculous now', thinks Nick Fury as he stares at the pile of unread complaints.

1) Bucky Barnes is not allowed to carry saucepans around and use them when people invade his privacy. Please refer to the "Goldilocks and Rapunzel" incident.

  
2)Tony Stark, dismantle all cameras in the Tower's many bedrooms. Some things can never be unseen.

  
3) Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton, just no. No weapons at the table.

  
4) Clint, you cannot grow arrows on your farm. Please do not try. Repeat, please do not plant arrows in the ground. All the local hospitals are full.

  
5) Steve, stop trying to get senior discounts, Starbucks has just filed it's fifth complaint.

  
6) Mean Girls quotes on missions are now banned.

  
7) Quotes on missions are now banned.

  
8) Quotes are banned.

  
9) Yes, I can ban quotes. Stark, cut out the puppy dog eyes, you are a 40 year old superhero.

  
10) Give me back my eyepatch, iron ass!


End file.
